Imagine, if you will, Jeff Foxworthy on a bike…

– If you’ve ever said, “It’s only 10 more miles,” you might be a cyclist.

– If you’ve ever given driving directions and had to correct yourself because you included at least one bike path, you might be a cyclist.

– If a cop says, “You know how fast you were going?” And you reply, “Of course, I have a Garmin.” You might be a cyclist.

– If a cop says, “You were doing 45 in a 35 zone,” and you yell, “Woohoo!” You might be a cyclist.

– If you’ve got more tools for your bike than for your car, you might be a cyclist.

– If you have more cash in your saddle bag than in your wallet, you might be a cyclist.

– If your bike has more miles on it than your car, and your car is a 1972 Gremlin, you might be a cyclist.

– If your bike manufacturer’s name is harder to say than your car’s, you might be a cyclist.

– If you have more spandex in your closet than an average Pilates class, you might be a cyclist.

– If it’s time to update your wardrobe, and the first thing that comes to mind is the new OmegaPharma-Quickstep kit, you might be a cyclist.

– If you have your local osteopath on speed dial, you might be a cyclist.

– If you’ve driven up a hill in your car and it starts to struggle, and you think, “I gotta ride this hill one day,” you might be a cyclist.

– If you’ve nearly been run over five or more times in the space of an hour and consider that a good day, you might be a cyclist.

– If it takes you longer to turn on your electronics for your ride than it does to start up your office on Monday, you might be a cyclist.

– If you have enough bikes to ride a different one every day of the week, you might be a cyclist (and in need of more bikes).

– If the majority of your food is synthetically made, but every label says “All Natural”, you might be a cyclist.

– If you’ve ridden into towns so remote that by doing so you’ve increased the population by 10% or more, you might be a cyclist.

– If you’ve deified peanut butter, you might be cyclist.

– If three quarters of the clothes you own have sponsorship logos on them, you might be a cyclist (or a redneck, this one is straight from Mr. Foxworthy)

– If you know what the weather will be like better than most meteorologists, you might be a cyclist.

– If it takes you 30 minutes or more to decide what clothes to wear for a ride, you might be a cyclist.

– If you’re crossing the street with your kids, and one of them calls out, “Car Left!” you might be a cyclist (and the parent of a future cyclist… or someone who will be beat up at school, repeatedly).

– If you’ve dropped your phone on the floor because your work shirt didn’t have pockets in the back, you might be a cyclist.

– If you’ve ever considered peeing from your bike in order to stick with the main group, you might be a cyclist.

– If you’ve crashed more often below 5 mph by un-clipping the wrong foot than at any other time while riding, you might be a cyclist.

– If you always find a secure place to lock up your bike, but leave your car unlocked in a parking lot, you might be a cyclist.

– If the thought of running makes you a little nauseated, and you have to put your bike on the trainer and spin a bit to recover, you might be a cyclist.

– If you end up averaging 18+ mph on a “recovery ride”, you might be a cyclist.

– If you’re better at coordinating your cycling shoes, jersey, socks, shorts, gloves, helmet, and bike than your shirt & tie / dress & shoes, you might be cyclist.