If You Can’t Take The Heat…

Yep, you're reading that right. 119° at the 2011 Hotter 'n Hell.

There are lots of ways to deal with hot weather. If you haven’t tried these, then you haven’t lived.

1. Talk about the heat. Yep, I’m quite sure this is a requirement. And your friends will love it! They might not have noticed on their own; your keen senses saved them the trouble.

2. Forget to bring enough water. This is for those times you want to test your acting chops – in this case, a realistic portrayal of a goldfish on the floor gasping.

3. If you remember to bring enough water, drink so much water you have to hit every rest stop. This will add discomfort to the ride, and slow your pace, making it last as long as possible.

4. Talk about the heat some more. After the first 10 miles, someone might’ve forgotten. Best to remind them.

5. Pump your tires up to 1 psi over the recommended pressure. The temp coming off the asphalt should be enough to double your tire pressure, causing a Hindenberg-like blowout.

6. Wear the darkest jersey you can find. If you can’t find a black one, wear two.

7. Use this formula to calculate your ride start time:  S = T – (Rh/2)

  • T = hottest time of the day
  • Rh = estimated length of ride (in hours)
  • S = time of day to start your ride

Example: If 3PM is the hottest time of the day, and your ride will be 3 hours long, start at 1:30 PM. This way you’ll maximize your heat intake.

8. Start up a conversation about foods you’d like to eat. Include anything that’s extra spicy, baked, or preferably flamebéed.

9. Last but not least, don’t forget to mention the heat one more time.  If you’re fortunate, one of your riding buddies will have gone insane by now and will gladly pummel you into unconsciousness with their frame pump, thus saving you from the rest of the ride.

Happy melti… er, riding! 8)